Chanda, a licensed nurse and mother, made a comeback on Instagram after being away for a while. Chanda has garnered a following over the years by documenting her weight loss journey on Instagram. Chanda’s battle with weight has been ongoing throughout her life, but she achieved a remarkable feat by losing an incredible 300 pounds, naturally, a substantial achievement from her starting weight of 545 pounds. Revisit her story here, as she had previously shared it with us back in 2018.

She opened up to her followers about her weight gain during what had been a tumultuous year in her personal life. Despite this setback, she expressed her determination to regain her fitness, spurred on by her sister’s encouragement. The cause of her absence  stemmed from a toxic and controlling relationship that ended in a painful separation. The stress she endured contributed to her gaining 70 pounds. Here, she bravely shares her story.


This picture is of me after reaching 300 pounds lost!!! I felt amazing and on top of the World! I attracted what appeared to be a good, God-fearing man. However, he was the exact opposite, and I was in a mentally abusive relationship that contributed to me gaining back 70 pounds. It started out like a dream, with lavish gifts and royal treatment.

Roses, “just because”. That was my life with him in the beginning. It’s how he reeled me in like a fish out of water. The hours of conversations where he pretended to be somebody that he was not, and that would completely disappear some months later…. after I was hooked. How could I, a professional, a licensed Nurse with over 20 years of experience, not see the actual clinical definitions of a person with a personality disorder??? I excelled in psych in college, so much so, that my professor encouraged me to go into that specialty field of nursing.

Yet here I was, watching a man basically transform from a kind, caring and loving person to an evil, jealous, bitter, and miserable person right before my eyes!

After the engagement, he stopped pretending all together. I just never knew which personality would show up from day to day. He would sometime just glare at me with such evil eyes that it would scare me. When I would ask what was wrong, he would say things like…” I had a dream and in it you were talking to other men. You might as well just tell the truth now and I’ll forgive you”.

All I did was constantly reassure and profess my love, but nothing ever made him happy, and nothing ever will.

The proposal. In only 3 months, he said that he loved me “more than life itself.” He went all out for this day. I honestly felt like it was one of the best days of my life! He prepared for weeks, picking the most gorgeous ring, getting the perfect celebratory cake and champagne. He even asked my twin boys for my hand in marriage. They were shocked but felt odd saying no since he only asked an hour before he took us to the beach to propose. I had no idea what was going on. I thought that we were going to the beach to take family Christmas pics.

The backstory: I told him month one how my late husband passed, and I went to Florida and found peace and healing on this particular beach in Amelia Island. He knew also that Christmas was Shawn’s, my late husband’s birthday. Later one of my friends would tell me that he was wrong to propose to me on my late husbands birthday but I thought that she was a hater. Smh. Everything that he did was calculated and manipulative. I eventually found out that he had been stalking my social media, learning everything that he could about me. However, on this day, Christmas 2022, I said yes to a very sick individual. I would find out the very next day, less than 24 hours later….just how twisted and deranged this man was. Once I said yes, in his mind, I was his property.

He acted as though he loved my twin sons as though they were his own! I had never had that while dating before. I let my guard down and told him all about my life. All of the good and the bad. I told him how my late husband took his own life after suffering with depression that he had been dealing with since childhood. He would later tell me that I was the “real” reason that he killed himself.

The love bombing stage ended after he put the engagement ring on my finger. That’s when the devaluing phase came in. He constantly accused me of cheating and even told me that I was gaining weight because I was a bad person. He broke into my iPad and social media and blocked every single male friend that I had without telling me. If I even smiled and said thank you to a male waiter, there would be h*** to pay! The stress of walking on eggshells, being screamed at and having him point his fingers in my face and interrogating me about male co-workers and even male family members, caused me to stress eat. The cortisol produced in such a toxic relationship, also contributed. After the statement about Shawn, I was finally strong enough to block him from my life after a year of torment.

It’s hard because my boys thought that he was amazing. They had no idea. I’m ashamed that I stayed so long. Today is my mother’s birthday and a beautiful day to start my healing journey. Please, if you are in an abusive relationship, seek help immediately and leave! There is no human being on EARTH that is worth stealing your health, peace, and joy. Moral of the story, ladies, if a man is doing THE MOST, without really even knowing you, it’s a true red flag. Do not be deceived like I was.

Ladies, it’s time to take a stand and love ourselves to health and healing! After my post yesterday, messages poured in from soooooo many women who were experiencing what I was! Thanking me for sharing. That just solidified what I need to do. I will be an advocate for women who feel trapped and alone! There is a better life for you on the other side! Decide today that you will no longer be a footstool for a monster!

Chanda received positive comments and encouragement from her followers.

One commented: “I felt every single word of this post. I, too, was in a relationship similar to what you described. It’s so liberating to get away from the psychological, emotional, and mental abuse. Through counseling, I’m a new person and learned what a healthy relationship looks like. Btw, today is my mom’s heavenly bday. I’m glad you made it out.”

Another: “I’m so sorry you endured this. But I am so proud of you for having the strength to leave. And I love you so much for sharing. As a previous survivor of an abusive relationship, I was embarrassed. I’m sure you word will help the next person.”

A third: “Find true happiness with you first. Being single isn’t a curse. Find enjoyment in just being with you. If a relationship comes fine, if not be fine with that, too. I’m so happy you are now in a healthy place. All the best to you.”

And a fourth: “Peace of mind is priceless!! Walk in the warmth of your newly found peace and take inventory of who and what is taking this next leg of your journey with you.”

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