It can be upsetting when you feel like the person you’re seeing might be using you to get ahead. Sometimes the signs are clear and other times it’s difficult to assess hidden intentions or we completely ignore the red flags because we want to be with someone so badly. One of our community members suspects the guy she is seeing may want to use her to get an American visa. She is unsure of what to do and needs our advice. Read her dilemma and share your honest advice in the comment box below.

Advice seeker:

Dear Afrogirl,

I met this guy through a friend in 2008. It was love at first sight for me (not for him). I suspected that he had someone other than me which he admitted later on without hesitation. I pretended to be tough, like I didn’t care. I kept messing with him occasionally for 4 months.

After graduating from high school, I moved to a different state. I lost his number and I didn’t bother because I started to realize what I was doing with him was not good for me because the whole time he never showed me any feelings.

We never held any deep conversations, and I don’t think he even knew my real name.

In 2017, I was browsing on Facebook and I found him. I texted him. He didn’t recognize me (I don’t change much). After finding a picture of me with my high school uniform, he finally remembered me. That same day, he started telling me how he loves me, he wants to be with me for real this time.

I put him in the friend zone real quick because I just ended a toxic relationship with my child’s father. I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship but he was very persistent.

After 5 months, I decided to be with him.  He is very good to me and my child, my friends and family love him. He seems like a very different person than what I knew. He makes me happy even though we are in a long-distance relationship.

To be honest, he is my best friend because we talk about everything. We spend hours on the phone daily.

Last year, I took a trip to the island to finally meet him. I had a great time even though the sex part wasn’t too good. Now I’m starting not to like him anymore. I keep getting mad at him for no reason. But he’s always calm and patient with me. He NEVER gets mad at me.

Now I’m asking myself why he looks so perfect all the sudden? is he using me for a visa? Because all he wants, is come to America and be with me. He doesn’t have a job. He is still living with his mom at the age of 33. Does he really love me? I’m having a really hard time trusting him.

At the same time, I’m scared to let him go because I’m about to be 29. I really want to have a complete family, another child and a man in my son’s life. I’m tired of being a single mom. I don’t want to regret losing him.

Should I apply for the visa for him and see if anything changes, or should I let him go? I don’t know what to do.

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